(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

This kid is such a mama’s boy. Even sicker than sick, he needed to be right by my side as I was cutting fabric this afternoon. Love him.


Bleach. I Need Bleach.

I am known among my family as the one with  a sensitive stomach.  I gag when I open bottles that have been left on the counter a day too long and I trash (gasp!) reusable containers that have been sitting in my car for a week.  I am totally THAT person.

You can imagine, then, that when Joey was hit with an awful stomach bug last fall, it was tough for me.  I mean, it was tougher for him, but I struggled too.  I called my mom in delight the when he puked on me (several times) and I didn’t puke on him back.  I was that impressed with my mommyness.  I still kind of am.

So you know what’s worse than one pukey kid?  Two pukey kids.  Ugh.

I have no idea where they got this bug and therefore have nowhere to direct my rage (which is obviously the mature way to handle such issues).  Instead, I have been bombarding Twitter and my Instagram feed with hourly updates to what I am lovingly referring to at home as “the situation”.

The husband is staying home this morning so I can run in to work to get a few things done and then I’ll be back home with my sickies.  I intend to spend the afternoon washing our linens in the hottest of hot water.  I never use bleach on our clothes, but I think it may be called for in this situation – we cannot risk reinfection.  There’s already been more than enough gross around here.

Words to Live By

 {Image found here. Unsure of actual source.
If it’s yours, let me know so I can credit you.}

I’ve struggled with my weight for a long time. I have been heavy, I have been in shape, I have been pregnant. I didn’t love any of those versions of me, honestly. I’ve always had higher expectations for myself than are probably realistic. And that’s when my OCD tendencies kick in and decide that if I can’t have the OMGPERFECT body, then it’s not worth trying at all. It’s a nasty, unhealthy cycle.

So I am making this my new mantra. It’s got to work better for me than twenty plus years of self-loathing.

The Saturday Post

Some cool things I found in the blog/Pinterest world this week . . .

Yum is really the only word I can think of for these.  They are from a guest post by Cookies and Cups on Confessions of a Cookbook Queen.  I can’t wait to think of an excuse to try these.

I’m always looking for a way to organize the random crap that piles up on my kitchen counters – this Tiered Pie Tin Organizer from MaryJanes & Galoshes (via Ucreate) totally fits the bill especially since I’m thinking I can find all kinds of fun materials at the thrift store.

Swedish Meatballs are one of those things that I always like to eat as a kid – comfort food.  This lightened up version from Gina’s Skinny Recipes looks so yummy.  I’ll definitely be making it in the next week or two.

There are a lot of wine lovers in my life and I drink a lot of wine which makes these Wine Cork Monograms – from Green is Universal – an awesome (cheap!) gift for me to give.  I spotted this cool DIY project on Tip Junkie’s Homemade Gift Ideas (via Pinterest).

I stumbled across this Personalized Memory Game on Pinterest.  I’m thinking it would be something fun to make for the boys to take, you know, wherever we go that a quiet toy is needed.  The tutorial from No Big Dill (from WAY back in November 2009) even includes a drawstring bag to keep it in.

Haiku Friday

I have never been
One of those people who prays
But this week, I might
Life can be so weird
Things happen to good people
Makes no sense at all
Hold your family
Close and be thankful for
Blessings big and small

Please keep that beautiful family in your thoughts and prayers (their story is copied in the post below because it was removed by Blogger -hopefully temporarily.) Shel is one of the strongest, kindest people I have ever known. She could use all the positive energy you can send her way in the coming weeks.

for shel

our story…

from always. by james and michele

we had a new word thrown into our vocabulary yesterday. one we wish we never learned.


that one word will forever change our lives.

what should have been a joyous day (we hit the 20 week pregnancy mark and had an ultrasound scheduled) turned into one i wish we never had to live.

the morning was rough. life with a toddler, spilled yogurt, rushing out the door, slips and falls, impatience, running late, korea traffic, traffic and more traffic.

we finally arrived only a few minutes late to the hospital down at yongsan, in seoul. we had to make the couple hour drive because our clinic does not perform ultrasounds. checked in, got eliza out of her jammies and ready and anxious to see our precious newbean on the screen. james’ first glimpse.

we continue the battle of “we are NOT finding out!” and “well I can find out, you don’t have to!”

the cool gel was spread and we got to see our newbean. moving around like crazy, arms waving at the face, thumbsucking, kicking…

measurements were taken. and taken. and taken.

heartbeat was confirmed at 150.

newbean to us, looked perfect.

then the tech left to show the doc some pics. we talked some more about finding out/not finding out. she returned. took some more pics and measurements. left and brought the doctor in. lights went off and he took over. studied the screen. eyebrows shifted. eyes focused.

then he introduced us to that word.

i don’t remember exactly what he said, but he explained that the head and brain hadn’t fully formed. something was missing. appointments with doctors would need to be made. talks would be had.

i know i asked “but, it’s alive?!” yes. it is.

he left and i asked the tech if she could tell us the sex. at this point i wasn’t sure we would ever have another glimpse of our newbean. that is one emptiness i struggle with our first baby. i wish i knew what he/she was.

“it looks like, it’s a girl.”

another little girl. our little girl. growing.

i asked if we could have a picture. i wasn’t sure i would want it, but knew i couldn’t get that moment back.

many many tears were shed, hugs were given, prayers said over us and we were on our way. the long drive with a cranky toddler who hadn’t napped all the way home.

then the real struggle began. we read about what the means. is there any hope? some of the first stats we read were 75% of babies with anecephaly are stillborn. the other 25% live only for a few minutes, hours, maybe days.

we could have surgery now and terminate the pregnancy.

it seemed like the less painful option for us. i had thoughts of “do it right now, before i feel her move. i can’t feel her move.”

that turned to guilt. i know she is alive. we saw her. she is our baby. God blessed us with her. He trusts us to protect her. we cannot end a life. we are her parents. we have to hold onto her until she’s ready to walk with Jesus.

back and forth back and forth. all day, all night. thoughts flew all over the place.

how will this effect eliza? how will i make it another 20ish weeks carrying a baby i know we don’t get to keep. i’m not strong enough for this. i can’t.

until i woke up for good this morning. many talks, many prayers said through our night by family back home, and i felt a sense of peace.

she is ours. we have to protect her. we GET this time with her. cherish it. cherish her. our newbean.

i know it’s going to be hard. i know people won’t understand. i know we have a lot of daily struggles to face. satan will creep in. put thoughts in our heads. tell us evil things to try and kick us down.

our faith will get us through. it has to.

it’s all we have sometimes, but it’s all we need.

(when i write it’s just all one continuous thought. i don’t reread, i don’t rewrite. so if the words are scattered, that’s how i’m thinking. i needed to get this out.)

and thank you to all of you who prayed, talked, sent love already. we need it. we can’t do this alone. we know the distance was already hard. this is a whole new level. we hold you close and will need to lean on you at times. i am just so thankful that james, eliza and i are together. we will be stronger as a family.

here is a pic of our precious newbean. our little girl.
disclaimer of sorts – know that there are a lot of hard pics to see online. i already wish i could un-see some of them. but everyone of those babies is someone’s pride and joy. just proceed with caution if you do read up about it. know that it’s very rare. if you are pregnant, don’t let this story frighten you. enjoy your pregnancy. hold it close. count your blessings. we are.


yesterday i couldn’t see anything in this pic. today, now that i am aware. we can see. we know what it “should” look like. we see something missing. but we also see our beautiful bean. sucking her thumb like her big sister used to.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I’m so glad that my boys are getting a chance to know their Great Gram. She’s always been a special person in my life and I really hope they’ll grow up with some memories of her, too.